i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
