Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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