omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
and you said cock pushups were impossible
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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