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both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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