I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
