So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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