theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
