Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize