WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
