$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
