You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
