im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
