How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
