apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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