I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
