I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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