ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
