dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
