Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
