my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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