something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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