I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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