Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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