I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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