bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
