so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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