Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
