im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
