just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
