yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
