its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
