I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
