Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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