you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
