Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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