It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize