Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
