yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
