I faked an abortion last night.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
