stop calling my apartment porn island.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Randomize
