im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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