Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
