have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
