Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
