If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
