Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
