She is in my trunk
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
