ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize