I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
