I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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