She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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