I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
