first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
