I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
