Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
