After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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