Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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