Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
