i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
