Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
