Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
