2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
