hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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