I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
