So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
