This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
