We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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