He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize