Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
