honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
