she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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