it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
