Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I did not marry a roomba.
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