what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
