There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
