so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
