yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
