i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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