I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
