love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
