my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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