I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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